Another year gone

Hello to anyone looking at this. Ya know how people send out those really disturbing christmas letters telling about all the really good things that have happened to them, well could I do the exact opposite!! Its been a year and half since I lost my little Bob and Rudy, then a good thing, I got my little Cuba and Gibbs. Then Ed got cancer in one of his kidneys and it had to come out. Good thing- it didn't spread. Then I got really sick for 7 weeks, I basically missed summer- good news- it seems to be not getting worse. Then our mom died--no good news to follow that one. I have my sister back-thats good news! My whole family is coming here the 19th. Boy I hope that goes well!!! Then about 2 weeks ago we find out we are losing our health insurance and Ed is uninsurable!! OK OK now that I got that out of my system and really think about things that are good I'm pretty sure the good out weighs the bad (except for the mom part) and as Ed always says "we're gonna be just fine." So -- MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NITE!

Another Year

MISSING MOM

Its been a little over a week now and I sure do miss mom. Last nite I could not sleep and it seemed like I continuely told her I missed her. I sure hope she can hear me. It still doesn't seem real. It seems like HOW CAN SHE NOT BE HERE? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN SO FAST? WHY DIDN'T ANY OF US KNOW HOW BAD SHE WAS? WHY COULDN'T SHE BE A SURVIVOR? I guess the questions could go on and on. God must have needed her more than us, altho I don't know why. Ya know, she was my rock. She always seemed to know when to show up. She was positive when positive didn't seem within reach. I'm still not sure how I will handle the next catastrophy without her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our Mom

Well talk about panic attacks, I think not knowing what shape mom was gonna be in when she got home, made me a nervous wreck! Sue handles this so well or at least it doesn't show much on the outside, its amazing. I'm still not sure exactly what is going on-did they send her home to die or is there a chance she will be able to continue chemo? Am I just not wanting to face the truth-well I know one thing for sure-I AM NOT READY TO NOT HAVE MOM IN MY LIFE!!!!! In my 53 years being on this earth, today was the first time I have ever heard my dad tell mom he loved her-really really loved her and then give her a kiss. I sure hope he has told her this in private a few times during their marriage. It is the saddest thing to watch a strong hard headed independant rock be so incoherent. Its heart breaking. I plan on stopping every day and helping all I can. I know Sue will and so will our nephew David because I asked him to. I hope Mike does too. As for Laynes end of things-who knows if they can stay sober long enuf! That was not nice, I am sorry, I must be feeling the stress of the day. On a lighter note-Ed's CT scan was clear-nothing major. Possibly an abcess or fluid build up from previous surgeries. Praise the Lord! Love to All

NOT DOING SO GOOD

Well its been one of those days we often dread. Our mom is back in the hospital and dad says it doesn't look good. I can't imagine she could go down hill so fast, its just beyond me. I'm hoping and praying that some how she gains some strength. Talk about feeling useless. I am not ready to not have my mom in my life! I hope she knows that. Thank God 2 of us made peace before she got bad. It has to have been comforting to her!! Its my way, maybe not the right way but sometimes the only way I get thru some things is to sleep. I want to but I cannot seem to shut my mind off. Pray for mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

My boys-Gibbs and Cuba

These 2 little guys make my day, every day!!! I get so much joy from these guys that it sometimes seems like I should be paying for it. They can make a person smile when you think its impossible.

NOT SO NOCTERNAL

This little guy stayed in my yard all day. Nikki was dog sitting my boys and she thought it was a cat. She went out to shoo it away and discovered it was a coon! I watched him all day. It was pretty interesting watching him groom his tail. He used his little hands just like we would. I got a little concerned he might be sick but when I saw him sleep alot, I think maybe he just got separated from his family. I never know what kind of critter I'm gonna encounter when I get home! I only hope they stay small and leave soon!